Sunday, September 14, 2014

RHONJ Shorthand Quickie Update

So, three weeks in what have you missed?

Lotta prayin' goin' on.

Lotta wondering from T: Why is this happening to us?

Lotta mail, mortgage and and wire fraud - that's why, moron.

A second Theresa who calls herself TeRESSa.

Her twin named Nicole who only needs oral sex and Dunkin' Donuts.

Amber who can't keep a secret and who is potentially the busiest busybody on a franchise dedicated to the nearly worshipful exposure of busybodies.

Her douchebag husband Michael who is a LAWya. And, like I said, a douchebag.

Oh, and Rino, TheRESSa's husband who, when they were divorced from being married the first time, slept with her mother. According to sometime-RHONJ-guest-star and full time buddy of T, Victoria Gotti. Yeah, THAT Gotti. Everyone now, sing with me: Mother in law....MOTHER IN LAW...Mother in law...MOTHER IN LAW...Oy, the ick factor could NOT be higher.

Blessedly precious little of blockhead-in-chief Richie Wakile. But Kathy still occasionally appears bearing canollis.

Also blessedly less of Rosie the Rivet Head, who, BTW, has a new girlfriend...good on you Rosie, now go away...just go away...

More to despise about Melissa the little asshat and her bullet-headed husband Joey the Ape: lying, throwing shade every-fucking-where, humble bragging about having to pay to fix her Bentley because "it was icy out that day...", bitching and moaning about the indignity of having to live in a downsized rental house while their new custom giganto mcmansion is being built, being concerned for T and JJ and their kids because of all the, you know, "legal stuff". You know that secretly she's just filled with evil glee that T, her sister-in-law-cum-nemesis, is now twisting in the wind. Melissa, I think I'll hate you most of all...

And last but not least, rather BEST: the triumphant return of Dina Manzo the gloriously delightful and refreshing voice of reason and sanity on an otherwise crackpot cast of 40-something juvenile delinquents. Dina, whose sister you may recall is the high and mighty mother to three empty headed ninnies, Caroline Manzo. Caroline, or Dirty C, as I like to think of her, is OFF THE PROGRAM!! She got a spin-off with her scrounging-for-IQ offspring so at least I don't have to put up with their dipshit nonsense on RHONJ. Lordy good riddance!

I will be picking up where this blog left off with weekly updates on the RHONJ and anything else that occurs to me that's worthy of a righteous rant. Until then I will return to lobbying Dina Manzo to be her new BFF, because she's here this season to bring the Zen. And because she has a whole room dedicated to her color-sorted shoe collection. Namaste, bitches!

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