Sunday, September 28, 2014

Oh Honey Boo Boo, Honey, Honey Boo Boo

Uncharacteristically slow on the uptake here, The ABIB is (SHOCKINGLY) just now reporting on the break up of the...what was it exactly...marriage? committment arrangement? shack-up-tials?...lets just say union, of Mama June and Sugar Bear, they the parents of the titled progency HBB herself. Accused of trolling for hook-ups on various dating services (which he vehemently denies) Sugar Bear has been summarily dumped by big, 'ol Mama June who's in the process of looking for a new big 'ol house for her brood sans SB and closer to her fambly, wherever that may be. I picture them just like The Beverly Hillbillies, driving down the road in a ramshackle, old truck..."swimmin' pools, movie stars!" Hey June: I know of a $4M, 12,000 square foot white elephant up in New Jersey. Probably too cold up there for your normally shoeless feet (due to an unfortunate intersection between one of those said feet and a forklift). Not going there.

Certain wags have been heard to opine that this whole Mama June - Sugar Bear break-up is wholly concocted for ratings as the show is just now beginning it's third season on that stalwart of high brow programming: TLC. Yeah, brainiacs, we all figured that out, too. I caught Honey Boo Boo and Mama June on The Tonight Show recently and Jimmy Fallon gamely played along with the pair in spite of having to deal with a nine-year-old who has been raised in the freak show world of child beauty pageants followed by the super freak show world of broadcast reality TV. Oy. To say that shes badly behaved is kind of like saying that Mama June needs to lose a few pounds. Cue the inappropriate cheap joke at the expense of the fat lady effects. But seriously, how can this kid ever emerge from such an upbringing and lead a halfway normal life? It's been reported that HBB has left the world of pageants. Ya think?

A quick search reveals that this girl and her family have been photographed what appears to be 10 million times. HBB barefoot at the Quicky Mart, HBB walking down the street with a giant soda, Mama June's 2008 mug shot, Sugar Bear's undated mug shot...the list goes on and on. So it's no wonder that this little "Holla for a Dolla Honey Boo Boo" keeps being put out in front by her mother to shake that money-maker for the fambly. Anyway, back to the beginning: Mama June and Sugar Bear are, The ABIB believes, in the process of faking a "separation" to boost flagging ratings and extend HBB's 15 minutes of fame, which seem to have sadly expired. All that's left is an ever-growing HBB having to adjust to life as a mortal child. A fame target at six...washed up by nine...its all downhill from here.

No comments: