MICHAEL!!!! THAT'S FUNNY!!!!
DID YOU SEE WHAT HE DID??? TOO FUNNY!!!! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!!!!!
I heard that all day today. Yep, it was them: The Jesus Syndicate out on their back porch with their godforsaken (wouldn't that be ironic?) pals laughing those loud guffaws that always mean that someone is forcing enjoyment. And why not? It was the anniversary of White Whale and Brunhilda: they of the endless brood of gremlins masquerading as human children. Probably time to fuck and pop out another homunculus in the name of the Almighty and his son.
"Be fruitful and multiply". Jesus Syndicate members know in their holier-than-thou black little hearts that not only did God himself intone those words but he meant them to go on forever and EVER. In spite of the fact that our little Garden of Eden is getting a little crowded, a little hot and just a tad pushed to its natural limits. "But not for us! Because we're HOLY! The Lord made the Garden of Eden FOR HIS CHILDREN to LOVE!!!!"
I'm sure He also meant for the Jesus Syndicate to keep crapping up the Earth with their giant smoky vehicles that are required since they're so scrupulous about the whole "fruitful and muliply" thing. Need those honking big-ass monsters just to haul your godly brood to the local grocery store. Or, certainly, to CHURCH. Hells yeah, expecially to church.
I've said in this blog that all religious zealots piss me off, but that Jesus freaks are probably the worst of the lot. Maybe that's because I fucking live next to Holy Water Central and have to be up close and personal with their freakish beliefs every fucking day of my life! I figure it's their cross to bear that they have to live next door to a filthy-mouthed cursing Jewess. What a trip! Here's what I do in the shower because I know that they can hear me loud and clear because I can hear their little demons crapping on their fucking potties day and night. Here's a typical daily shower script special delivery from me to them:
Don't be a fucker, go blow a trucker, kiss my ASS mother, mother, mother fucker!!!! Yo, bitches: Whassup in there motherfuckers? Having a fucking good day ya freaking a-holes?
And on it goes. Look, it's incredibly cathartic for me and it has the added benefit of potentially making their ears bleed. I know Brunhilda hears me because halfway through one of my ditties I generally hear her slam the bathroom door in what I can only imagine is Jesus Syndicate-worthy righteous indignation.
And so it goes: they piss me off with their constant, obnoxious, over-populated, incredibly selfish lives and every now and then I get a good one in. Hell, at a minimum I figure I give them something to pray about.
All together now: