Friday, January 12, 2007

I Hate All Other Drivers!

Let's get one thing straight: most other drivers are lucky if they have like an 85 IQ. And furthermore I'm pretty sure it's way easier to get a drivers license these days than when I got mine. Also, back the fuck away from my bumper, dick. I'm driving 68 mph in the middle lane. Do you realize that the lane to our left is for passing me or are you just hanging back there to be an asshole? Is it my fault that your dick is the size of a cocktail weiner? Is it my fault that your boss just reamed you out in front of the whole department? Deal with it but get the fuck off of my bumper. NOW! Hey! I got an idea: why don't you just go and drive yourself off the nearest overpass? That's a win/win, right? I hate you and the closer you come to my car the more likely it is I'll actually be able to see your Neanderthal face and you know what, that's gonna fucking ruin my day.

Also: to the car manufacturers of the world: when did it become necessary to replicate the approximate light intensity of the sun in the headlamps of new cars? When they come up behind me it's like shielding my eyes from the freaking death star ray and when the fuckers are coming toward me I end up flashing my highbeams in a frenzy of blinded rage until those fucking halogen headlamps are gone. Don't get me started on SUVs...that's for another time.

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